Etiquette.

Now, we have gone over this before...

If there are only two of you about to dine at a busy restaurant, DO NOT ASK TO SIT AT THE ONLY DIRTY FOUR TOP!! REALLY?! So annoying. You just stood and watched me clean off a deuce for you, so why would you insist on sitting at the DIRTY four top right next to it? WHY?! I mean, COME ON!! Have you no respect for the person busting their ass for your eating pleasure? I am not paid enough to deal with your retardation. LO SIENTO!

AND! If there is a sign by the front door that clearly says, "Please Wait To Be Seated," that is NOT an open invitation for you to walk in and seat yourself. I WILL IGNORE YOU! I am being paid to seat you, let me do my job! And don't walk in and stand by the front door and stare at me until I come over to you. Believe me, I saw you by the podium, I know you are waiting, but I am not going to drop a 15 pound try of glasses to come running over to you. Give me 10 seconds and I will be right there. Standing by the front door does not save time anyways. I still have to walk outside and grab menus and a flip ticket. So please, OBEY THE SIGN. It's your friend, and it will guarantee you a smile on MY face.

Oh, and by the way, just because you think you are the Godfather with your two slightly retarded looking sons, does not mean you get to call me "Lady." Take your tinted sunglasses and cram them up your cram hole!

Thanks, and from all of us here at Random Talk, we bid you ado.

[PS, doubling the tax is not an adequate tip. Thanks]

Love is a Pair of Scissors to the Head.

Babysitting is how I pay rent now. Not that I mind, the kids are totally awesome. Evelyn and Scarlet. My nieces. So easily entertained by Sponge Bob and Super Mario Brothers 3. As of right now, Scar is torturing Evie by brushing, and by brushing I mean hitting and pulling, her hair. A future hair stylist, I see it now. Scarlet stabbing people in the head with her scissors and never having a returning client. A bright future indeed.

Evie on the other hand, well I have already planned out her destiny. She is to be a model, with her Auntie living vicariously through her. I intend on being her manager/owner/bosslady [Yes, one word].

I can hear the Disneyland fireworks from here. YAY.

Remember, I said this blog was about absolutely nothing.

Dear World.

I know that the human race is seriously reTARDED, but when someone is trying to push a car over to the shoulder, it's just polite to stop and let them get over. SEEING AS THIS IS THE LAW! But NOOO! Ya'll are just too cool to let the girl and her boyfriend over to safety. It's a common courtesy. Bitches. 

BTW, that is me racing my car for the first time!!!

Past Time

I have to say, that even though I live in Orange County, by the beach, there is really nothing to do here! I am on summer vacation, and what do I do? I watch television, wash my car, and bake cookies. Not what I have in mind for a summer break. 

But on the bright side, I did go to Venice Beach on my first day of summer, so it's alright, I guess. 

Anyways, I have made a list of things I need to do this summer. The list follows:

1. Go streaking.

2. Win a game of beer pong.

3. Go visit Nathalie in Santa Barbara.

4. Save $1000.

5. Go to 5 shows.

6. Go to Hollywood.

7. Take a photographed documentation of summer.

8. Go to Sea World.

9. Watch a lot of movies.

10. Visit Michael in Chico.

There is something that is really fun to do. Watch COPS. It's awesome!

Anyways, I forgot what I was doing, and I lost the next part of my list. CRAP!

Oh My Dear, Sweet, Carro!

So I drive a 1968 Volkswagen Bug.  And I have realized in my year of driving that baby around town that old people love me.  They come up to me and ask, "What year?" "Oh, really? I had a '58 bug. And my biggest regret in life was getting rid of it."

Oh you precious little old lady who sat in her car until I came out of the grocery store.  You are just too much.  But thank you for making me smile. And also shit my pants, you crazy stalker! If I could, I'd make you my grandmother, but you scare me a little bit...

Ah, yes, one more thing. 

Dear Mac products:

It has come to my attention that you hate me. Because my iPod is throwing a temper tantrum and is not working.  It says "Use iTunes to Restore."  So I plug the mutha into my computer, and then it tells me that it's "charging." I leave it there for a while, come back, and it's still charging. THIS IS BULLSHIT!

Any ideas?

Proper restaurant behavior.

As a college student working in a restaurant to make some extra cash, this topic is very near and dear to my heart. Of course, I appreciate everyone that comes in, I just think that some of them could use some refining. So here are some pointers.

DO NOT SNAP AT YOUR WAITER. This is just rude, and it really makes your waiter hate you. Just so you know. And would you like it if someone snapped their fingers at you? I didn't think so. Therefore, don't do it to them!

DO NOT BE ON YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN THE HOST ASKS YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN YOUR PARTY. Really, what you are talking about with the person on the other end of the line that is SO important?! One day, you might get punched in the face. The simple solution is to wait until your conversation is over. OR. You can tell the person you are talking to, to "HOLD ON." It's a really simple solution, right?

DO NOT QUESTION THE HOST. We all know that the "customer is always right," but really? Shut your mouth. When the host says that the wait is about 10 minutes, you agree and walk away. Don't stand there and stare at them like they told you, "You have cancer." It's not their fault that the restaurant got THAT full in 30 minutes. It happens. And just because you live where "The Real Housewives of Orange County" live, does not mean you get special treatment. We don't treat anyone better than anyone else. Sorry. But get over yourself.

IF YOU CALL AND THE RESTAURANT DOESN'T TAKE RESERVATIONS... Don't ask them to take one for you. You are not that important. And when the person who works there says they are sorry, don't be like, "UGH, WELL I THINK THAT IS A TERRIBLE POLICY!" Get in line sista! There is a high chance that the person who just denied you, is not the person who made the policy, so don't make them feel bad about it. 

I think that that covers the basics, but if I can think of anything else, I'll be sure to let you know.

Small Talk (And By Small, I Mean HUGE!)

Hello there. Welcome to Small Talk (And By Small, I Mean HUGE!). A blog that is about pretty much nothing in particular while staying classy (pinky's up), and keeping in mind that not everyone is as smart as I am. OKAY. Nothing is off limits, and that includes certain people from my high school theater class that cry when someone looks at them funny.  So, when bored, remember that Small Talk is always here.  

This is going to be so much fun. Almost as much fun as the time I went to Disneyland when I was 5! 

Peace in the Middle East. 

Small Talk (And By Small I Mean HUGE!)